A letter to my dad,

Dear Dad,

Today marks 5 years since you passed away. I still can not believe it. I still have not completely moved on. I know that is not healthy, but I just can't yet.

  So I figured since you haven't been around the last few years, I would kind of fill you in on all the amazing stuff that has happened in my life.

When you passed away, we were living back in Tn. A month after Joshua found out that he got his dream job! We found out we were moving to VA and Joshua was going to work for the Gov't.  We moved in July of 2007.  Dad, it was so amazing living there! I cried so many times because there was SO MUCH stuff that I wanted to be able to show you, stuff that I knew you would love.
Goodness I just wish you were still around so we could have shared all of the amazing things that are in DC and VA with you. I miss you so much.

We lived in VA for 4 years. It was amazing! We made some wonderful lifelong friends and the girls just thrived there. Speaking of the girls, they really miss you. They talk about you all of the time. Sometimes Aubrianna will just start to cry. When I ask her what is wrong, she will say " I just miss Grandpa Rocco" it is so sweet and breaks my heart.
Abby has learned to play the piano, and some of your favorite hymns. Emma has taken up soccer and is a complete natural. Aubrianna is just as spunky as ever (she reminds me a lot of  .. .  well, me!)

We did as much stuff as we could while in DC and saw some amazing things.

In August of last year, our dreams came true!!!! We found out Joshua got a job overseas!!!!! I can not even explain to you how happy we were. In Nov, we moved to Jakarta, Indonesia. Dad, it is an amazing place. So vibrant, so very different from the US! There is a lot of things to get used to, some big cultural differences, but it is exciting!! Just so you know, it is very safe where we live. We got really lucky and were placed in a house that is on the grounds of the American Club. We are completely surrounded by walls, and there are guards that walk inside and outside all day long. I always hear you saying " Look out for unsavory characters !"

So, in other big news, I found out I have cancer. Breast cancer to be exact, but don't worry, I am fine. I found it early and came back to the states. I have already had a double mastectomy. It was only on one side, but with the cancer history, I didn't want to take chances of it coming back on the other side.

Goodness, I wish you were around for all of this.
So many things have changed since you have been gone. So many things that I wish you could be a part of. All 7 of the girls are getting so big, and they are all so very beautiful. I wish you knew how much we all missed you.
I love you Dad, I am looking forward to the day that I can once again give you a hug and a kiss goodnight!
All my love,
Elizabeth :)

How have I changed?

I know I will be able to expand on this so much more as I continue to go through this chapter in my life. Everyone has something they are called. I am a wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, cousin, niece, sister, and friend. However there is a new term I can add to my list . . .

BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR !!!!!!!!!

That's right, I am a breast cancer survivor, at 30 years old. I have already been through a double mastectomy and am now going through the process of reconstruction.  I will be deciding in a couple of weeks what type of treatment I will be doing to combat this awful disease that TRIED to invade my body. That's right, it TRIED AND FAILED!!!!!!

I am different now.

Can something like this change a person so quickly? I say yes! YES! YES! YES!
It really makes you think about your life, and your family, and how you all connect together.  Who it is that God has made you to be, and what it is He wants you to do.

I have so much that I would like to get out of my head and onto the page, but I am trying to form it into something that makes sense.
 I really believe that I have been put here on this earth to be a help to people in need. I believe that I have had to go through the different trials in my life, so I can understand what others are dealing with  (for real) and help them when they need it. Everyone has a bad day, everyone needs a pick me up.  Everyone needs to have someone come along side them and listen. Listen to the bitching, listen to the complaining, listen to the crying, listen to the laughing, but they just need someone to listen.  I understand that, and I love to be that person. I love to pick up on the little things they might say and try and act on that. For example . . .  a few weeks ago, my mom had made a comment about the soap that she had to wash your hands at the kitchen sink. She had said she just has dish soap there now because her favorite soap from bath and body works had been discontinued. It was a passing comment. Nothing implied, nothing purposeful, just a comment. Later on that afternoon, I went searching on the internet to find said soap and ordered 2 bottles. This was not a big thing. Not even a need that she had. It was just something I knew would make her happy.
A couple of months ago, I was thinking about a very good friend of mine, Nora. I knew she had been through a rough week and could use a little pick me up. Well, I was in Indonesia, what in the world could I do? I couldn't stop by and bring her Starbucks like I did in the past, so I did something a little different. I had some flowers sent to her at work. She had no idea they were coming, but I know for a fact that they made her smile and brightened up her day!
I am not telling you this to get praise. That is not the point. I am just trying to let you into my head a little bit and see how my mind works. I love people to know that I really do care about them, that I really do listen when they talk, and I want to do whatever I can to help make them smile.
Please let people you care about know. When you are thinking about them, send them a note, an e-mail, a text, something to say, "Hi!" Love one another.  DON'T YELL ALL OF THE TIME! Enjoy the time you have with your children, even when they are driving you up the wall. I have not been able to hold my girls for almost 2 months! TWO MONTHS! I have not been able to kiss them goodnight, or give them a hug in the morning. I have not been able to be there when they get off the school bus and ask them how their day went. I have not been the one to be there to break up their fights. I really DO want to be there for that, as odd as it sounds, because I want to be able to teach them something from that.  I want them to learn from me what I feel God wants me to teach them. I want to learn from them. They teach me just as much as I want to teach them.
Love your family, love your friends, show kindness to the ones who others shun. You might be the only sincere smile and hello they get for the day.
Ok, I could go on and on about this, but if you are reading this, please please, tell me something encouraging that has happened to you in your life. Someone that has said or done something to help encourage you when you needed it most. Those kind of stories make my day!!!
<3 to you all,

Lizzy :)

Why?

So I have heard about 6 different times from people asking me how I am doing because they haven't seen any update on the blog and they are worried. The reason why I haven't written anything is because I haven't really had anything to write. I have been slapped in the face by breast cancer, ripped away from my amazing husband and wonderful daughters all within a day, and now I am facing the decision on weather or not I should have Chemo or not. Seriously . . . when did this become my life.

I am not a very emotional person (well, maybe I am but I really don't like to share them outwardly) but I feel like a volcano ready to blow. I am taking things personally, making things up in my head, trying so hard to be perfect then wondering what in the world I did to make someone upset with me and really learning a lot about myself in the process. 

This is a very hard time in my life. I think the longer I wait here for the next step, the more and more it is sinking in. Avery hard time that I am having to deal with without my best friend by my side. Believe me, I feel blessed that I get to skype with him, but it really is not the same thing. 

I am allowed to have days where i kick and scream and say I'M DONE! I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT ALONE ANYMORE, right!

Then I think, ugh, I have no reason to think that way because it really could be sooooo much worse! I still, for the most part , have my health, and can still be there to help other people. That is what I need to focus on right now. How can I help others? What can I do for other people that are feeling worse than me? What can I do to boost someones spirits who are in a worse place than I am. That is what's going to get me though all of these down times . . .  being able to do things for others! That is what I love to do. 

Lizzy