Why?

So I have heard about 6 different times from people asking me how I am doing because they haven't seen any update on the blog and they are worried. The reason why I haven't written anything is because I haven't really had anything to write. I have been slapped in the face by breast cancer, ripped away from my amazing husband and wonderful daughters all within a day, and now I am facing the decision on weather or not I should have Chemo or not. Seriously . . . when did this become my life.

I am not a very emotional person (well, maybe I am but I really don't like to share them outwardly) but I feel like a volcano ready to blow. I am taking things personally, making things up in my head, trying so hard to be perfect then wondering what in the world I did to make someone upset with me and really learning a lot about myself in the process. 

This is a very hard time in my life. I think the longer I wait here for the next step, the more and more it is sinking in. Avery hard time that I am having to deal with without my best friend by my side. Believe me, I feel blessed that I get to skype with him, but it really is not the same thing. 

I am allowed to have days where i kick and scream and say I'M DONE! I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT ALONE ANYMORE, right!

Then I think, ugh, I have no reason to think that way because it really could be sooooo much worse! I still, for the most part , have my health, and can still be there to help other people. That is what I need to focus on right now. How can I help others? What can I do for other people that are feeling worse than me? What can I do to boost someones spirits who are in a worse place than I am. That is what's going to get me though all of these down times . . .  being able to do things for others! That is what I love to do. 

Lizzy