I just got off the phone with one of my surgeons. He wanted to let me know that the path test had come back from the mastectomy surgery a week ago. The official size of the tumor was 2cm. That is on the border of stage 2. He also said they found ANOTHER tumor on the same side. This one was a lot smaller (only 5ml). They tested the cancer and found it to be a very rapid growing type of cancer. He did say they were able to get EVERYTHING that they saw out, and there was NOTHING on the other side.
I have a meeting on the 27th of this month with the cancer doctor to talk about what options I will have. They have a program that shows you were you fall with all of your measurements and tests and what they would think would be the chances of the cancer coming back are.
All the doctors that I have talked to keep saying this thing, "possible invisible cells" that there is a possibility that there could be other cancer cells floating around my body and chemo is a way to kill the cells that they can not see that might be there. Then I think, well, there are a lot of things that might be in my body or might not be in my body, and even if I do have the chemo that doesn't mean that within 5 years it wont come back, i have read of MANY women doing EVERYTHING the doc told them to do and been as extreme as they could, and the cancer will still come back. my thought on that is, if it is going to come back, it is going to come back, but i sure as hell do not want to spend those in between years feeling awful and not being able to live the life that i want to live. Not being able to see the places I want to see and go to the places I want to go. If God is going to take me home, there is nothing I can do about that, but I sure don't want to spend my last years on earth being miserable. Then there is the fact that I could do everything and think it is ok that i just spent 2 years of my life killing everything in my body, but now they tell me I am finally cancer free, and I get hit by a truck on the way home. I mean seriously. You don't know how you are going to die, and you don't know when you are going to die, but what I do know is that God gave me this life for a reason. He made me the wife of Joshua for a reason, and made me the mother of these 3 BEAUTIFUL daughters of mine for a reason. I want to be all that I can be for them in the time I have here on earth.
OK, Now that I have vomited that all out, I think I am going to go make a cup of coffee. I am not even going to re-read any of this. It is strait from my mind, heart, and soul, and this is the real me.
3 comments:
I know someone who is in a similar situation. He loves his life, family and job. He has cancer and has been told that if he gets chemo and radiation then 'maybe' it will prolong his life...but he'll be sick and miserable for most of it. However, if he doesn't get the chemo and radiation it will probably be another 5 years before he feels the affect of his cancer. So, he thought to himself, do I want two bad years and three or four good years afterwards? Or do I want 5 good years and then see where the road leads beyond that. He chose the 5 good years. Hee knows that you can't control when you die, but you can control what happens before you do go. I love you Lizzy and I'm going to love you and support you no matter what you and Joshua decide is best. I luh you!
oh my.... i hate that these are things you even have to think about but the reality is you do. you and joshua have hugh decisions to make. but whatever that decision is , is going to be yours and right for you. and we all have a day that God will take us home, we cant change that and i am glad we dont know that ahead of time. live you life to the absolute fullest Lizzy. you have a wonderful family to enjoy your life with. and you really want your girls to have their mommy back. we are all here for you. you and joshua decide what you feel you need to do not let anyone else decide for you.
Love you Lizzy
xoxo
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