I am sure women that are dealing with breast cancer think about this all of the time, but I am not sure how many actually talk about it.
I feel deformed. I feel like less of a woman because of the way my chest looks. I don't feel normal anymore. I am ok when I am dressed, but every time I get in the shower, or change my clothes, or look in the mirror, I am reminded of this horrible disease that invaded my body and took so much away from me.
How long does it take, I wonder, to feel "normal" again? Will I ever feel that way again? Will I ever feel sexy again? So much emotional stuff to think about. Nothing will ever be the same, ever. As a mother, you change in front of your girls with no problem . . . don't even think about it, but for me, I can't. My girls have asked me not to because it makes them cry, it reminds them of mommy being sick and in pain to see the scars. It BREAKS MY HEART to know that I make my children feel uncomfortable in any way, but I do.
It is just so much to wrap my head around. So very much.
Will time make these doubts of my own body go away, or will it always be with me?
If I am such a strong woman, then why in the world am I letting these thought get the best of me?
Will my children ever be able to accept that mommy looks different now? That I will never look the same?
Will I always make them nervous and uncomfortable?
Will I ever be able to fully accept myself and my "new" body?
3 comments:
I don't think normal will ever be normal again, but God is creating a new normal for you. Hopefully one day you will be able to look past the scars and see them as victory over this horrible disease that you and God battled together and won. I am sorry for your angst and pain right now, but God wins and because of that, so will you. The road to victory will be hard.
Lizzy, I could'nt agree with Michele more. As God works this out in your life, your daughters will see how strong and dependant on the Lord you are and learn how to trust God even more in their lives. Sometime later you will be able to look back on this and cherish the time that God carried you thru and in full view of your family and friends, and they also will receive a blessing thru it. When God has worked in my life, it was never for just me but for all so everyone gave Glory to Him. I love you honey and continue to pray for you and your family.
Sweetheart...You are more a woman than any woman will be with double D's. You have a heart and coal and beauty that no other will have... Love you Keep strong!!!!!
Christian
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