I told myself I would let myself have a couple of meltdowns during this whole process. So far, I have only had one and it only lasted a couple of minutes. Right now is the second one.
I am packing my bag and getting ready to head to the dr for my pre op appointment. I want nothing more then to know that the person that i love more than anything else in this world will be by my side.
I miss him so much. I wish I could put into words what I am feeling right now, but I just can't. Tears are pouring down my face and my heart is just aching. When God gives you the most amazing gift of being with your best friend forever, you shouldn't have to go through something like a double mastectomy at the age of 30 because of breast cancer and have your husband on the other side of the world.
I am a strong woman . . . a VERY strong woman, and have learned a lot about myself already through this process, but the more time that passes and the closer I get to surgery, the more and more heartbroken I feel.
I know I will be ok in a couple of minutes. The tears will stop and I will take some motrin for the headache that I have caused myself, but then it will be done. I would have lasted another couple of weeks without one of these blubberfests that I really just don't like.
I haven't heard from Joshua all day. I know he must be swamped at work, because normally I will at least get a hello email from him . . . but nothing. I miss him. I hope I am able to talk to him before tomorrow. I hope I at least hear from him.
Why did God give me this amazing man knowing I would have to go through some of the hardest things in my life without him by my side? I don't understand that. I love my family and am so glad and blessed that I have them to help get me through this time, but they are just not the same as Joshua.
Please God, Please HELP ME get through this time without him!
Ok, crying is done . . . phew!
8 comments:
I will be praying for God to be your support, your strength, your peace and your friend. I am so sorry you have to go through this without Joshua - that is really difficult :(((( I know God can and will give you all of His comfort and love - and I hope you get to see your husband sooner rather than later. You will be in my prayers and on my mind tomorrow.
Kim
Love you lizzy. Miss you so much. Sending you peaceful thoughts on this day. xoxoxo
I found your site through Rants from Mommyland. Just wanted to let you know I was praying for you & your family. I hope that you will be able to return to them soon!
Lizzy I am sure Joshua is looking at his watch wishing he could get out of his meetings to talk to you and he will... just get through this meltdown and carry on. These meltdowns only make you stronger and sometimes you need to let it all out. You are so strong and such an inspiration to everyone. Hang in there girlfriend and I hope to see you in SFO in June.
I also found your site through Rants from Mommyland. You will be in my prayers. I can't imagine what it is like to be away from your family and going through that.
I was just reading through again all of your kind words! Thank you so much!!! :)
I was just reading through again all of your kind words! Thank you so much!!! :)
I was just reading through again all of your kind words! Thank you so much!!! :)
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