Getting to know the new ME!

You know, I thought for a long time that this awful disease called cancer was not going to change who I was, and I wasn't going to let it! I now realize it HAS changed me . . . in a good way.  I mean, I have been very lucky with this whole cancer thing . . . SO FAR! I hope it stays that way. I just feel like things could always be worse and it is a cop out for me to say I am a cancer survivor because I don't really feel like one. I don't think I have let myself realize how serious this all has been, and maybe that is a good thing.  How serious this IS . . .  that is what I should say. I am not done fighting yet.

The funny thing is . . . I FEEL PEACE! So much peace it is overwhelming. I know that a lot of the calm that I am feeling is from people all over the world (and I mean that when I say all over the world) are praying for me. I can feel it.  I feel like I am going to get through this with flying colors and live a very strong, active, adventurous life.  I can't really explain it. Not that I don't think anything else bad could happen, but I feel like I have already gone through the worst of all of this. I feel peace that I am going to be able to make sure this cancer does not come back, and if it does, I will fight it off again. I will not let it ruin my life, and the lives of my husband and children! I WILL NOT!!!!!!!
I am a survivor and will forever more be a survivor! I have fought breast cancer and kicked it's ass! I will continue to do so, because I know NO OTHER WAY!

It is funny, for years and years, I have been told how strong I am. I never really believed anyone when they said that. I had just convinced myself that I was putting on a really good show for everyone and I was really super weak inside. I am now not to proud to say, I AM STRONG! It feels really good to admit that to myself.  I have never been good at accepting complements , or saying anything positive about myself. I have always felt like that made me look conceded and full of myself. Twisted, I know.
Now I know different. I think the only reason why it makes sense to me to admit to myself that I am a very strong woman is so I know I am strong enough to help someone else that might be going through the same thing as I am.

My husband, Joshua has really learned a lot this past year about yoga, meditation, and eating things that are very healthy for you. I didn't really "jump on the train" with him because I didn't feel like I was to that point within myself yet.  I now try and do yoga (what I can) every day, I meditate , and I have made the choice on my own to not eat meat. Not because I want to follow the crowd or do what other people are doing, but because all of those things make me better! They make me feel better! They make me think better! They make me HEAL. I think that is a lot of the peace that I am feeling about all of the cancer crap. I feel like my mind has made a switch and it feels right.  (but I still love my chocolate) :)
I like feeling comfortable in what I have decided. It feels good to have done it because I wanted to :)

It amazed me that so many people are wanting to read my thoughts. I never thought I would have people all over the world that cared for me.  I just hope that me opening up, helps someone else through their journey and they know they are never alone in this world!!!!
 Blessings!