Heading to the Embassy

So yesterday and today I had to go to the Embassy to do some more paperwork for me working there, and I must say it wigged me out a little bit. Even though things are calm there, and there haven't been any protests in about a week there is still razor wire in the front of the building.

I wanted to take a couple of pictures of what it looked like, but I am too much of a wussy. I just kept thinking about me getting yelled at or kicked out because I took a picture in front . . .  so what did I do??? I googled it! 

Just to give you an idea . . . this stuff stretches the whole length of the building in the front, and is taller than me if I was standing right next to it.

What a crazy life I lead! :)

Learning and Growing

"'Compassion and love are not mere luxuries. As the source both of inner and external peace, they are fundamental to the continued survival of our species.'

The four immeasurables, also known as the Brahma Viharas (Skt.) are found in one brief and beautiful prayer:

May all sentient beings have happiness and its causes,

May all sentient beings be free of suffering and its causes,

May all sentient beings never be separated from bliss without suffering,

May all sentient beings be in equanimity, free of bias, attachment and anger.

The Buddha taught the following to his son Rahula (from "Old path white clouds" by Thich Nhat Hahn):

"Rahula, practice loving kindness to overcome anger. Loving kindness has the capacity to bring happiness to others without demanding anything in return.

Practice compassion to overcome cruelty. Compassion has the capacity to remove the suffering of others without expecting anything in return.

Practice sympathetic joy to overcome hatred. Sympathetic joy arises when one rejoices over the happiness of others and wishes others well-being and success.

Practice non-attachment to overcome prejudice. Non-attachment is the way of looking at all things openly and equally. This is because that is. Myself and others are not separate. Do not reject one thing only to chase after another.

I call these the four immeasurables.

Practice them and you will become a refreshing source of vitality and happiness for others."

LOVE

The definition of love in Buddhism is: wanting others to be happy.

This love is unconditional and it requires a lot of courage and acceptance (including self-acceptance).

The "near enemy" of love, or a quality which appears similar, but is more an opposite is: conditional love (selfish love... ).

The opposite is wanting others to be unhappy: anger, hatred.

A result which one needs to avoid is: attachment.

This definition means that 'love' in Buddhism refers to something quite different from the ordinary term of love which is usually about attachment, more or less successful relationships and sex; all of which are rarely without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to de-tachment and the unselfish interest in others' welfare.

'Even offering three hundred bowls of food three times a day does not match the spiritual merit gained in one moment of love.'

Nagarjuna said,

"If there is love, there is hope that one may have real families, real brotherhood, real equanimity, real peace. If the love within your mind is lost and you see other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education or material comfort you have, only suffering and confusion will ensue."

COMPASSION 

The definition is: wanting others to be free from suffering.

This compassion happens when one feels sorry with someone, and one feels an urge to help.

The near enemy is pity, which keeps other at a distance, and does not urge one to help.

The opposite is wanting others to suffer, or cruelty.

A result which one needs to avoid is sentimentality.

Compassion thus refers to an unselfish, de-tached emotion which gives one a sense of urgency in wanting to help others.

From a Buddhist perspective, helping others to reduce their physical or mental suffering is very good, but the ultimate goal is to extinguish all suffering by stopping the process of rebirth and the suffering that automatically comes with living (enlightenment).

The attitude of a so-called Bodhisattva is Bodhicitta: this is the ultimate compassionate motivation: the wish to liberate all sentient beings from the sufferings of cyclic existence and to become a fully enlightened Buddha oneself in order to act as the perfect guide for them."

When we consider the importance of love and we consider that we are all loved by God, then we can see that...

"In loving one another, we love the Creator, for the Creator is present in each and every one of us."

We are all a parts of God. We are God and because we are all God, when we love one another we are loving both God, and vicariously ourselves. When we love, unwittingly, and if you ever notice love also fills our being. And yet, "Love necessitates giving and sharing without hope of reward...,"

This kind of love, love without thought of reward is a kind of sacrifice for we give selflessly with no hope of receiving anything in return."---The Dalai Lama

"Through the Heart we may come to know the Love of God; through the Heart we may become the Love of God." 

"Love me when I least deserve it, because thats when I need it the most..."

leaving the cancer in and letting it eat me from the inside out would have been easier than this

Craziness in Jakarta

Things are heating up here on the island.
People are saying that it is all because of this one man who made this movie. I think this was just a excuse for these extremist groups. I am not saying I think the movie doesn't deserve to be hated by the muslim people here, I just think things are going too far. Why do people have to hate so much. Everyone believes different things. Some people believe in God. Some worship Alah. Some worship 100's of different beings.

I am so sad. Why is one person better than another because of what they believe in? Why is it then ok to add even more violence into the mix? Haven't humans learned anything from their past mistakes?

The events going on here are scary. There are protests being held at the US Embassy. People are angry, tempers are flaring and then we get scenes like this.

Please know that as of now, we are safe. The security at the embassy is wonderful and the Indonesian police force has really stepped up to help.

Also the security at the American Club (where we live) is very good.

I just hope this all ends soon and doesn't spread somewhere else. 

Are we really ever honest with ourselves?

I am just wondering, are any of you honest with yourself about who you are, what you are about, and how strong you are?

I like to think that I come off as a confident person, but I am really not. I like to think that I come across as a person with self confidence but I am not.

I didn't finish college and don't think I am smart enough to go back. I am anxious about going back to work because I don't feel like I am going to be good enough to do anything.

It is so hard living your life not feeling like you are good enough. I don't have a degree, I haven't worked in 10 years, I feel like I am out of the loop.

What do I think I am good at? Not much. I think I can take some good pictures sometimes, but I feel like I am too stupid to figure out all the in's and out's of my big fancy camera, and that is keeping me from taking even better pictures. I used to be good at English, but I can't even remember the proper way to write a paper. I can change diapers with the best of them. Acting, I am good at acting, I feel like I have been putting on a show my whole life.

I live my day to day in fear that people will realize what a joke I really am. How incompetent I am to be an important part of our society.

I am sick of hiding, of lying, of being fake. I don't feel like I am  good enough, smart enough, or competent enough.

What is there to do now? I don't know. I don't know how to find self confidence.  How do I change a life long perception of myself?

Just a little update . . .

So I have been back in Jakarta for just over a week now. It is good to be home!
I am doing really well. I am healing very nicely, and as long as I don't overdo it with the lifting, I am flying high!

My youngest, Aubrianna, turned 7 the day after I got back. We had a great party for her, complete with a DJ and awesome cake!
School also started on the 8th. The girls LOVE their new classes and Emma is SO happy to be at the same school with her sisters!

Jakarta is still Jakarta. We are in the dry season now, and it hasn't rained since I have been back. I must say, I am ready for some rain!

All of my paperwork is now in for me working at the Embassy. All I do now is wait. They have to go through the complete background check for all the clearances and everything else.

I think that is all we have for an update here!

Lizzy